Dear Pastor's Wife,
Helloooo over there. Our dear Debbie, we hope this doesn't take you away from your "pride" at the church. I thought this was a neat way to reach you. We need your wildly appreciated advice. Our 22-year-old son who is engaged to marry in Sept, just returned from 4 months of training in Georgia to become a Customs Border Protection agent. Long story short, his fiance has informed us he's had an affair with an older woman from his class during his stay in Georgia. His fiance wants to make it work out for them. He won't face or talk to us yet. We keep trying to reach out to him via email(because he won't answer his cell phone), but to no avail. Do we sit(handcuffed to a chair to keep my wife from going to see him) on our hands and wait for him to come to us, or do we go up there to him? C. is freaking out...imagine that.
Thank you, thank you, thank you and p.s. tell the tall one "hi" for us. M&C
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Dear M&C,
We sure do miss you guys! We were both happy and saddened hearing about your son…happy for his engagement, but sad about his choice to not remain faithful or sexually pure. How heartbreaking. My advice is to give him his space right now. By all means, continue praying, constantly, against strongholds the destroyer has now set up in his mind and life. However, unless there is some indication that he is in danger of taking his own life or the lives of others, you should not intervene. Unless he asks for it, your advice is most likely not welcome at this time. While I realize that it feels as if you are doing nothing, now is the time to test your own faith. Do you really believe that prayer changes things?
Pray hard because your son has to decide if he is willing to grow up, be a man, face his failure, turn to Jesus for forgiveness, and let the Holy Spirit make him a stronger servant of the Most High God, able to be an honorable husband. Pray hard because the deceiver would have him crippled by lies. One lie is that his affair is no big deal, that everyone does it and that he should try to go on with his life like nothing happened. The lie continues that if his relationship with God causes him to feel guilty then he should just quit God. Sadly, this lie will likely lead to blaming others for all of his problems, faulting his fiancée for a horrible marriage, seeking out more illicit liaisons to try to satisfy his hollowness inside. The opposite lie is that his sin is so horrible that he can no longer even hope to be close to God again. This lie leads to a belief that he does not deserve anything good; therefore, he will sabotage all possibilities of success in his life, including the rebuilding of the relationship with his fiancée or family. Pray hard. God is all powerful, but he leaves us our free will. Pray your son rejects both lies and chooses to let God redeem the situation through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
I am curious. Does the affair with this older lady mean that he desires to marry her instead? Again, it may only have been a physical temptation. Either way, it definitely shows that he is not mature enough to be faithful to a wife or family yet. Don’t let the fact that his fiancée is willing to forgive and forget in order to keep the wedding on schedule fool you. There are MAJOR cracks in the foundation of trust in this relationship that need to be investigated and repaired before any wedding can take place. I suggest you help your son’s fiancée prepare for this embarrassing but needed consequence. Otherwise, I fear they are in for much more heartbreak and counseling later. Whatever they decide, Jesus’ love is their only hope!
The bottom line is this: If you ever get to squeak a message through cell phone, or e-mail or even via the grapevine to your son…let it be of your unwavering love for him and that you are praying for him. Then, live out what you say. I am certain he will be speaking to you again soon, then you can help point him to truth…but only if he asks!
Hurting for you, yet hopeful!
The Pastor’s Wife
Helloooo over there. Our dear Debbie, we hope this doesn't take you away from your "pride" at the church. I thought this was a neat way to reach you. We need your wildly appreciated advice. Our 22-year-old son who is engaged to marry in Sept, just returned from 4 months of training in Georgia to become a Customs Border Protection agent. Long story short, his fiance has informed us he's had an affair with an older woman from his class during his stay in Georgia. His fiance wants to make it work out for them. He won't face or talk to us yet. We keep trying to reach out to him via email(because he won't answer his cell phone), but to no avail. Do we sit(handcuffed to a chair to keep my wife from going to see him) on our hands and wait for him to come to us, or do we go up there to him? C. is freaking out...imagine that.
Thank you, thank you, thank you and p.s. tell the tall one "hi" for us. M&C
******************************************************************************
Dear M&C,
We sure do miss you guys! We were both happy and saddened hearing about your son…happy for his engagement, but sad about his choice to not remain faithful or sexually pure. How heartbreaking. My advice is to give him his space right now. By all means, continue praying, constantly, against strongholds the destroyer has now set up in his mind and life. However, unless there is some indication that he is in danger of taking his own life or the lives of others, you should not intervene. Unless he asks for it, your advice is most likely not welcome at this time. While I realize that it feels as if you are doing nothing, now is the time to test your own faith. Do you really believe that prayer changes things?
Pray hard because your son has to decide if he is willing to grow up, be a man, face his failure, turn to Jesus for forgiveness, and let the Holy Spirit make him a stronger servant of the Most High God, able to be an honorable husband. Pray hard because the deceiver would have him crippled by lies. One lie is that his affair is no big deal, that everyone does it and that he should try to go on with his life like nothing happened. The lie continues that if his relationship with God causes him to feel guilty then he should just quit God. Sadly, this lie will likely lead to blaming others for all of his problems, faulting his fiancée for a horrible marriage, seeking out more illicit liaisons to try to satisfy his hollowness inside. The opposite lie is that his sin is so horrible that he can no longer even hope to be close to God again. This lie leads to a belief that he does not deserve anything good; therefore, he will sabotage all possibilities of success in his life, including the rebuilding of the relationship with his fiancée or family. Pray hard. God is all powerful, but he leaves us our free will. Pray your son rejects both lies and chooses to let God redeem the situation through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
I am curious. Does the affair with this older lady mean that he desires to marry her instead? Again, it may only have been a physical temptation. Either way, it definitely shows that he is not mature enough to be faithful to a wife or family yet. Don’t let the fact that his fiancée is willing to forgive and forget in order to keep the wedding on schedule fool you. There are MAJOR cracks in the foundation of trust in this relationship that need to be investigated and repaired before any wedding can take place. I suggest you help your son’s fiancée prepare for this embarrassing but needed consequence. Otherwise, I fear they are in for much more heartbreak and counseling later. Whatever they decide, Jesus’ love is their only hope!
The bottom line is this: If you ever get to squeak a message through cell phone, or e-mail or even via the grapevine to your son…let it be of your unwavering love for him and that you are praying for him. Then, live out what you say. I am certain he will be speaking to you again soon, then you can help point him to truth…but only if he asks!
Hurting for you, yet hopeful!
The Pastor’s Wife
